The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance – What Women Should Know was highly recommended to me by a feminist friend, who called it the Lean In of 2014. Successful journalists and bestselling authors of Womenomics Katty Kay and Claire Shipman explore the concept of confidence from neuroscientists’ research into its genetic coding to psychologists’ studies on nurturing confidence in ourselves. Alongside interviews with women leaders from the worlds of politics, sports, the arts and the military, they dissect how a lack of confidence hurts our performance in all areas of our lives and how everyone can tap into this essential resource within themselves.
The most fascinating thing this book revealed for me is the balance between natural confidence and developed confidence. While some amount of confidence is pre-determined (which I was surprised to learn that geneticists can test you for), you can also boost your confidence levels, training your brain to work differently. It doesn’t happen just by positive thinking and feel-good mantras – it’s about taking risks and failing, and then picking yourself up again in the face of repeated rejection. This is a behavior men are better at, and one that is reportedly more predictive of success than competence.
Unsurprisingly, Kay and Shipman confirm that men are usually more confident than women, and suggest that generally women can improve their self-confidence by behaving more like men, though you should still being true to your authentic self – so easy! But what is interesting is that women still perceive other women (and men) as confident when those individuals don’t see themselves as confident (ex. Christine Lagarde, Angela Merkel, the authors themselves). That suggests the main obstacle to a woman owning her achievements is overcoming her negative self-delusion and replacing it with a more positive image of herself.
However, like most self-help books, this one doesn’t give much specifically applicable advice in practicing that beyond the usual spiel of meditation and self-compassion. Instead, they filled pages with endless personal anecdotes of their lives and their children’s experiences and the aunt’s second cousin’s exploits – you get the point, which is that at points it was heavy of the fluff and light on the science. Most egregious though was the limited point-of-view it covered, that of elite, privileged women.
In sum, I don’t think it was quite as good as Carol Dweck’s Mindset, which touches on similar concepts and the authors themselves recommend, but I did prefer it to Lean In and would suggest it for women out there whose self-confidence is battered and whose self-doubt is rearing its ugly head. Maybe like me, they’ll be comforted by the knowledge that everyone struggles with low self-esteem occasionally, but it doesn’t have to be a permanent situation – you can fix it. Just act.